Cohabitation Before Marriage

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When we first got together, given the condition that we were both living in Jakarta by ourselves, it was so easy for us to move in but I didn’t want to do it unless he proposed. At the very least, the ring ensures me that this boat that we ride on was actually going somewhere. I have heard so many stories of people who move in together after a couple of months dating to only breakup a couple of months after. If packing for holiday is annoying enough, imagine packing yourself out of his place or your own place.

Today, I have seen more couple cohabitating and the more I see it, the more I think it’s a good thing. Let me tell you why.

Honest to yourself (and your partner)

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You can’t hide anything, seriously nothing. Before we move in together, I slept over at his place quite often but the ability to run back to my place when I need to, make things a bit less complicated. After we moved in together, we only have one common space to call home. I am very messy person and I hate cleaning up. Everything in my place is so out of place. This, of course, is something not everyone can deal with. But, thankfuly, I have a messy partner Peter can. There are also time when I get cranky and hating people that I would just like to be by myself… which is difficult to understand for some people, but Peter could accepts this peacefully after a long explanation.

You learn something new everyday

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You learn a lot more about your partner, simple things like sleeping can create a big problem. Sleeping is important because that’s how you recharge. I am very picky about this because, being the only child living in a shop with no neighbour means that, by night time everything was quiet. I can’t sleep with the clock ticking, I can’t sleep with the lights on, I can’t sleep unless everyone sleeps first and unfortunately for my partner I go to sleep early. This means that, he needs to learn to sleep early too.

Bye Bye Self-centredness

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You live under one roof now which means you have to manage things together. We’ve made a deal of who doing or paying what in the house and we stick to those deals. It’s also important to respect those decisions. Not only you get to think be an adult because you have a responsibility to ‘consider everything for the two of you’… but you also learn how to again, respect that someone. Your home is no longer just about you anymore.

Efficiency

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When I used to sleep over at Peter’s house, I still remember the number of times we went back and forth to my place for small things like leaving my favorite lipstick behind or forgetting my hair straightener. Small things like this, when you live together, is no longer a problem. Paying out for my rent every month also seems pointless when I spend most of my time at his place. When we moved in together, everything seems to into the right places.

Settling down

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After we got married, settling in was very easy because we have passed the adaptation phase when we first started to live together. The newness in our marriage was actually having a pet because it taught us a new way of living when it’s no longer just the two of us.

Of course, this is not for everyone, but from what I hear, people around me who live together before they get married agree with me that cohabitating is a good thing. Don’t get me wrong, I completely understand if you choose not to do it because of the value you’re hold on to like religion, culture, or peer pressure. So, what do you think?

This post was inspired by beautiful couple photos on @dirtybootsandmessyhair šŸ™‚

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2 thoughts on “Cohabitation Before Marriage

  1. Is living together become a norm in Jakarta? It seems more people doing it now, if I’m not wrong? But of course it’s not out open in the society like in western country?

  2. Di lingkungan sekitar aku sih udah banyak banget ya, but of course, sembunyi-sembunyi dari keluarga, tapi selebgram pun beberapa tinggal bareng kekasih yah~tapi beberapa yang tinggal bareng di rumah orangtua pacar juga ada lho…

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