Have you ever felt that the most thing you can remember from a person is their laughs? I can remember some of people’s laugh, even some whose voices I have forgotten.
I can remember my dad’s laugh, I miss it badly at times. However though, sadly, I seem to not remember my mom’s. It’s been too long I guess. She passed away 9 years ago, about a year before she passed, she was struggling with her sickness, and begged for death. Probably the last time I heard she laughing was 10 or 11 years ago. Sometimes I even forgot her beautiful face. My last memory of her was her sick-pale-and sad face on her hospital bed.
Those quotes of “you can be strong, when it’s the only choice you have” is true. When my dad passed away, it was harder than my mom’s. My mom had been struggling for years in which her death was kind of expected. My dad had only been sick for 1,5 weeks. That’s all and he left.
All the people said I was strong. I wasn’t at all, but I pretended to be. You got to do what you have to do. If I collapsed, my dad would be ignored. If I chose to be weak and drown in sorrow, my dad would be ignored. No one else would take care of him, so I had to.
Today, I always say to myself, on my difficult days, “Maybe life would be so much easier if my parents still here,” to which replied by the beau, “It’s a maybe. Things would be different but it’s not necessarily easier.”
There are those days when me and my dad was struggling to get food due to our financial situation. Yeah, it was that bad. Today? Thank God I never starve. But don’t you think as long as you’re with your family, even though you’re starving, you won’t be as worried as when you’re not with them? You have that security, safe feeling in your heart that “things are going to be alright” though what happened to me said otherwise.
In two weeks, it would be my second year without my dad. I am still standing strong, but hobbling when I walk. No one knows what the future holds, but hopefully, brighter sun will shine. Have a little faith.