It really (DOES) matter

Life comes in colours. Well, my point is, you won’t live alone…you have family, friends, best friends, lover.

Let me being mushy cheesy and tell you about the latter, since honestly saying I have no family left. It is true that life is not just about you and your partner, single people could be happy too.

I was single for many times, and have had quite a few boyfriends in the past, and fortunately am currently having one now.

My previous one, was a partner whose heart belong to someone else. We weren’t official, but we were more together than we should. Yet he has someone else. Yet he loves someone else, but loved me too he said.

For the fact that we lived in the same country and the other girl was thousand miles apart from him, I thought I was winning. I thought, he was mine. However, we live in the modern life where social media have become an attached part to our life. Pictures. Names. Comments. Blogs. They speak a thousand words, blatantly shouting you the truth.

I thought, as long as he cared for me, nothing else matters. I thought, as long as he was there with me, he was the only one matters. And I thought, I was (or could be) happy.

But no. The fighting between me and him. The mental fight. The effort to keep him around whilst his heart was for someone else… the thought of losing him anytime, the frustration, it was devastating. Truth be told, my life was a complicated mess.

I cried. with him. without him. at my house. at his. at work. The feeling of being unloved: ruined my life. Work, social life, everything. I always prefer to hide in my small nest and prefer not to be socialised. The fact that I felt so worthless as a person, made me feel so lost.

“The whole world knows he doesn’t love me. The whole world knows I’m not worth. I’m so bad that even a not so good looking bloke I bumped in the bar could not love me.”

I didn’t realise how much it affected my whole life until my current partner coloured my book. The happiness, the laughs, even the tiniest thought that “someone out there loves you” surprisingly boost up your confidence. I felt so happy, so confident about myself that I am worth the love. My social life becomes better, I’ve stopped complaining about work. My life gets easier.

I write this just to make sure that, the feeling of being loved is priceless. Especially when you are me, alone without family. I had a few boyfriends before, even though they made me happy in the past for once… I never really thought how big it could affect my life until I was dumped and ignored and played by a guy who expressed his love to me yet frustrated me the most.

So dear you, if you’re lucky enough to have someone besides you: be grateful. Because sometimes we could fell from the highest mountain and caught by the wrong person. That’s what falling in love is. Nobody plans to fall, you sometimes just… fall. If you fall into a good one…think again how much you should be grateful for them.

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